Random thoughts of the day...

It's seems lately that I've been struggling more and more with this deployment. We are just now entering the fifth month, although it seems like a year has passed us by already. All I want is for my best friend to be by my side again. I want my children to laugh like they used to. I miss seeing their eyes light up when he entered the room. And most of all I want SLEEP! My nights of tossing and turning seems to be getting worse, causing me to be a complete bucket of emotions.

On a positive note, my new healthier lifestyle seems to be getting a little easier everyday. I'm combining the guidelines of the Biggest Loser weight-loss program and an IPhone app called Lose It (which is also available for use online). I think my biggest struggle in the beginning was the calorie intake adjustment. I was used to eating whatever I wanted, when I wanted to eat it. Therefore, it left me starving! I have finally come to the point where I am no longer opening the fridge 100 times a night looking a late night snack.

I really broke down today, after talking to my mother. She and my biological father have tons of on-going health issues. Both suffering from diabetes,  my father has even lost a few of his toes. I know this isn't the life that I want for myself. I want to have an active healthy life. I no longer want to live the sedentary life, that I've know for too long. This is my time, I've never been more ready or motivated that I am right now.

 I've also been using this deployment to fix myself. I'm finally standing up for myself. I found the courage to tell my Bio-Dad how I really feel. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but I did it! It was hard to try to be in some sort of relationship with him, when there are so many things haunting my past. So many broken promises, let downs, and endless lies. I finally faced my fear. It may have not gotten me any further in the relationship, but now it's off my chest. I can finally breathe!!! With all the work that I've done in the past 5 months. I believe in myself. I can now move on to a better me!